Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Seriously, Can We End the Fucking Search for this Kid in Oregon Already?

I'm going to save everyone a ton of fucking time, money and heartache with this foolproof plan:

1) He's dead. Sorry, but he is. Sucks for all parties involved but the kid is dead.
2) For closure a body need be found, so....
3) Go find that low-rent white trash bitch that made some half-fucking-assed attempt to hire someone who doesn't kill people for a living to kill the father (Or maybe stepfather? I've fucking lost track). I don't think we need to call in the A-Team investigators from Washington on this one. She is family with the boy. The boy went missing. Simultaneously she failed to have the dad/stepdad/gay uncle, whatever he is, whacked. We don't need Yi Lu Chen to help us with this math equation.
4) Drive her to the middle of nowhere.
5) Dig a hole.
6) Bury her in the hole up to her neck.
7) Cover her head in fresh honey.
8) About 15 feet away let her watch you release about 5,000 fire ants from a container.
9) Tell the stupid bitch that unless she wants to start snorting lines of stinging-assed fire ants, tell us where the fucking body is.
10) Go find the remains.

Done and done. Fuckin A, if I were in charge these budget deficits would be slashed, pronto-tonto.

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