Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
-Afflek is back. Believe it.
-Jeremy Renner is proving himself a very convincing crazy and bad mutherfucker.
-Blake Lively is hot. Even as a drug-addled whore with a Charlestown accent.
-Gratuitous use of a David Ortiz RBI highlight
-Over-the-top Bahston accents
-Lack of Jack Nicholson running around playing a bad parody of himself and ruining an otherwise brilliant movie
-Car chases up your ass
-Loud assed fucking machine guns
-Did I mention Blake Lively?
So if someone tells you this movie sucks, just say, "Hey, I understand your dad didn't take it well when you told him you were gay. But that has nothing to do with Ben Afflek or The Town. He'll come around eventually."
Thursday, September 23, 2010
EMERGENCY BROADCAST: Katy Perry Shows Some Cleavage on Seasame Street....Pick up the Red Phone and Call Fucking Batman!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I hate nothing more than when people respond "We will not lose our place of international prominence, this is America". I'm sure no one ever said that in Mesopotamia. Or Egypt. Or in Ancient Greece. Or any Romans. Or Spaniards. Or the French. And I know the sun never actually set on the British Empire either.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
And yes, I'm well aware this is just a huge publicity/marketing stunt to get people to buy his shitbagging books. I'm just jealous that I didn't think up this Quran burning bullshit first to try and get someone to actually read my insane ramblings.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I've got an idea: Just let it go. Trust me, I'd like to see this guy in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison just for being the staggering asshat that he is, as much as the next guy. But if you let it go at this point, another type of justice is going to play out. It is well known that this cock-chugger owes money all over town, and, well, he's gotta, you know, feed the monkey, man. So call off the dogs. If you do, then he's out of the news. If he's out of the news, he isn't selling books and the Today Show isn't paying him money for interviews. He becomes an irrelevant douche bag that owes massive sums of money. He is a career politician that will never see another day in any office. He'll go bust and eventually someone will see him in an alley next to a 7/11 taking a $5er from a closet homosexual to allow him to suck his dick. The problem solves itself. Sure Fitzgerald never gets to say "I got 'em!", but in the end he kinda did.
Why does anyone want to clean up Illinois politics anyway? Everyone in the country knows Illinois is dirtier than a hooker's jiz rag on Nickel Night, and they all love it. Its fun, its hilarious, it provides entertainment. The Fates will sort this salad-tosser out in the end, lets spend our tax dollars on something more productive, like giant shiny beans in the park.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sword of Saranon
Sea of Woe
Hills of Theodora
Samnai the Swordsman
As you can see this fantasy season is mine. First game of the year and you've got Peyton Manning? Yawn. I have Black Wizard in that game, and he has death-touch ability. Lets see how many passes Peyton completes after Black Wizard walks up and touches him on the neck and he crumples into a little dead ball on the field. Who gives a shit that you have the Jets defense. Sword of Saranon penetrates that like black NFL players penetrate Kim Kardashian. Think you're awesome because you drafted Chris Johnson? Lets see how many yards he runs for with a pack of Forest Elves chasing his ass. Those fuckers can run a 3.1 40yd. Just trust me, I'm unbeatable. Week 7 versus the Saints and you've got Drew Brees......Lets see him try and throw passes over the Hills of Theodora. Week 4 against Tom Brady you say? I'm not sure how his offense is going to hear him calling audibles when I'm hitting Intimidating Shout and their ears are bleeding. I don't even care if Samnai the Swordsman tears his ACL because I've also got Power Crystals and they can heal torn ACLs in like 30 seconds.
You guys may as well go do something gay like join a flag football league or play outside with your kids this fall, because obviously fake life fantasy world league is over before it even begins.