Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Notre Dame Versus Michigan Saturday!


GO AL QUEDA!!! I love watching this game each year in eager anticipation of watching a 747 careening into the 50 yard line at several hundred mph. I don't know of two groups of more obnoxious, sense of entitlement having, condescending ass hats in college sports. They make Dukies seem incredibly humble. There are many differences but in the end they both suck equally. At least Michigan fans have gotten the memo, read it, and are putting cover letters on their TPS Reports which read "Michigan Football Currently Irrelevant". If I were to take an Eastern European exchange student who knows nothing of college football and send him to a Notre Dame party and then ask him upon leaving "When did Notre Dame last win the championship?" he would say "It must have been last year, now can we go to disco?" Domers are convinced that denial is exclusively a river in Egypt. They live under the illusion that Notre Dame's mystique somehow still matters to the types of athlete that wins championships. It is a sad, sad illusion. Big corn-fed white catholic mules ruled college football for many years, but their reign ended several decades ago. These days you need Kodiak bears which are not only huge, but can run 35mph in short bursts. And those bears want to eat fried fish on Fridays because fried fish is fucking delicious, and not because they have to. Domers can keep on ignoring modernity just like they ignored legions of pedophiles with their greasy hands inside the robes of altar boys, and drink like hell when they start adding more Hawai'i Bowl trophies to the case. Michigan fans on the other hand understand reality, but it doesn't stop them from being first-rate wine-and-cheese tailgate party assholes none-the-less. They can take their Princeton Review approved degrees, untuck their sweatshirts from their dork jeans, and cram them right up their smug asses. Although they are cognisant of where they currently stand this does not prevent them from watching a win at home against historical powerhouse UCONN in the first game of the season and yelling to any and all, "Michigan is back!". R-Rod is a good coach. A pure scumbag as well, but show me a relevant program without a scumbag coach. Anyway, he recruits undersized speed demons and nothing else. This strategy can work with a spread offense in the Big East, the WAC, maybe even on occasion in the Pac-10. You can surprise some teams with this but what you cannot do is run the table in the conference if you are in the Big-10, the Big-12 or the SEC. The Kodiak bears will eventually tear you limb from limb.




2 comments:

  1. I always look for the best sentence in a Giles post. In this case it is

    "...untuck their sweatshirts from their dork jeans..."

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  2. As much as it pains me to say it, this is all pretty much spot on. I am a lifelong Michigan fan but cannot stand most other Michigan fans. Rodriguez could win 10 national titles and many U-M fans will still hate him because he's not a "Michigan Man", whatever that means. They want to go back to Lloyd Carr quoting Kipling all the time. Well, sorry dudes, but if you want to win at a high level in college football you want a coach who has some scumbag qualities, not a guy who doles out Werthers.

    One demographic you forgot are the Walmart Wolverines - the ignorant U-M fans more like the majority of their Buckeye brethren. I know OSU and U-M are natural rivals, but it's their brainwashed fans who make me loathe OSU. Before every game I hope and pray OSU loses by 50, Pryor is reduced to a blubbering mess, and the FBI shows up at Tressel's door looking to seize his hard drive.

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