LeBron James Boldly Attempts to Out-Douchebag Brett Favre and Tiger Woods

There hasn't been this much speculation about the fate of a black man since Dred Scott. LeBron called his own press conference/Television special about his free-agency decision to let the entire world know just how fucking important he is to civilization due to his awesome basketball skilz. No one has rained down this much pomp & circumstance and overestimated their own self worth on this level since Napoleon crowned himself the Holy Roman Emperor of Europe in 1804. LeBron is in pretty rare company. At least Tiger and Favre have won a championship. What the fuck have you won dude? Brett Favre's PR machine has to be planning a comeback press conference as we speak. He simply cannot let himself get out-douchebagged without a fight. Seriously LeBron, go to NYC, go to Jersey, come sniff Michael's ass in Chicago, go help Wade and Bosh to further bankrupt Dade County, and then go fuck right off. You don't treat pernicious diseases in third world countries and you don't do pro bono legal work to help struggling immigrants. Your dumb ass plays with a ball for the purpose of entertaining people. I hope someone cuts a treasonous fart that ruins your press conference.