Especially when the hot humid air of summer arrives. I love the feeling of warm, moist sow-flesh encroaching on me while I read and try to pretend you don't fucking stink. Although reading can be difficult when the land manatee next to you sounds like Darth Vader with faulty helmet wiring. How is it that we both paid the same fee to board this bus/train? I weigh something in the normal range. You have to be weighed on the side of a highway, just after a Kenworth and just prior to a Peterbilt. I take up only the standard-issue seat width. You take up 1.5 seats, sometimes two, and also part of the aisle. I sit or stand silently reading or daydreaming that I am Wolverine or maybe Peter North, always breathing normally. You sweat profusely from your harrowing static-stand at the bus/train stop, sound like a NYC Fireman who has just completed his 4th trip into the World Trade Center carrying people down stairs, while shooting menacing glares at anyone who might request that you shift your girth to facilitate exiting. Seems fair that we pay equally.
While you try and catch your breath from that 1-rep 9-inch step-up from the curb to bus, I have a few questions. Just friendly, non-intrusive questions:
1. What do your genitals look like? Do you have any idea? Have you seen them in the past decade?
2. What sort of equipment is required to wipe your ass? That can't be easy, right? Do you just deal with it in the shower?
3. Since the only redeeming quality of morbid obesity is to be really, really funny, and you clearly have no sense of humor, how do you compensate socially (I mean besides snacky cakes and soda)?
4. Do you have to apply deodorant/antiperspirant to non-armpit areas such as under your side tits, back fat, over-knee hang, between FUPA and actual Pussy Area?
5. Do you secretly wish for a super virus that would freeze and shatter all mirrors globally?
6. You are able to wake up, get dressed, get on this bus/train, and arrive at work on time each day, presumably on time. So why can't you put the cheeseburger down? It requires much less discipline.
7. Do you wish you could buy cool clothes?
I'm proposing a fat tax. Where do I propose this? How do you propose something? Can I nail it to the door of the largest cathedral in my area, like Martin Luther? Is that how you do it? If you would rather have your foot sawed off than quit eating Burger King, then you should foot (double entendre, anyone?) the bill for the entire operation.
You're a despicable person. Obesity is a DISEASE and many of these folks need compassion and help instead of you being all uppity with your book learning. Shame on you. I hope you get a disease and have some ignorat blogger make fun of you!!!!
ReplyDelete"Obesity is a DISEASE" Argument
ReplyDeleteAs a formally fat and despicable person who has reformed himself, I would like to give my own opinion on the matter of Obesity being a disease or not. Please understand that I am not foolish enough to believe that my situation encapsulates all obese people, nor do I want to convey that my situation is all encompassing. I simply would like to comment on what made me obese and what finally "cured" me.
The year is 1988. I am a relatively "normal" child in terms of weight and body size. Daddy and mommy get divorced and life seems to be different. In an effort to feel good I delve into a world of binge eating and video games. This lifestyle continues for a few years and is somehow tolerated by my mother.
As one of the fattest people in my grade I would commonly be ridiculed and bullied. Instead of fixing myself I get worse. I would commonly eat bags of Orea Cookies in 5-10 minutes. I would eat the 5 for 5 at Arby's without pause. I ate so much string cheese at my grandmothers one time I could not shit for 3 days. I once ate a loaf of Italian Bread right after my mom purchased it by eating 11 bologna sandwiches in a 20 minute span. I went trick or treating also until 7th grade.
The point of the matter is that I used food to make myself feel better. But that is not the whole story. What allowed the pounds to stick was the second vice...video games. It was very common for me to play from the time I would wake up until the time I would go to bed. I have solved over 35 games for nintendo, 7 for sega, 4 for super nintendo and I guarantee I am still the most formidable player in Street Fighter II for super Nintendo. In an attempt to be "social" I would go to the arcade in the mall and eat pizza and play games. I still have yet to meet a person who beat Terminator 2 Judgment Day in Arcade Form. Before I would go to the arcade I wouls stop at Mr. Bulky's Food which sold candy in bulk. I would get a pound of gummy worms or snow caps and eat them while I played...it was awful.
Then, thankfully, my father was back in my life a little more and he told me that I was an embarrassment. I remember him getting so mad at me that I was fat. He would go on tirades about how much I ate and he stopped the video game addiction. He soon pushed me towards weightlifting and other activity.
Soon, after I stopped making bad choices, I began to shed the weight. After a year or so I was clearly had the best body in my grade.
So, in retrospect, I can only call my obesity a form of controllable weakness. It was not a disease in any way. I was a cowardly fat person who would rather have instantaneous gratification and be lazy. I was disgusting, sickening, shameful, bad, lazy, selfish, fat, sickening and fat. This is why I hate all fat people. Even the ones I am nice to I really hate. I find that I can't stand to be around them and secretly wish that someone with a gun would sneak up on them and force them to exercise until they changed or died. As a formally obese person I ask that you respect my opinion as I have walked in "their shoes" and can say that only hatred towards me and my lifestyle eventually forced me to quit being selfish and put food first.
In closing, I would like you to consider this. I ate 17 or 18 donuts one morning at my aunts house after she went out to get them for everyone for breakfast. Why did I do it? Because fat people are the most selfish people and I wanted them all for myself. Even the maple cream donuts which I hate. Fat people are selfish. They will shorten their lives and thus shorten the time they have with loved ones all so that they can feel good in the moment.