Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Chicago Transit Authority has Me by the Balls


I am bent over in the basement of a pawn shop, pants around my ankles, hands cuffed behind my back, rubber ball shoved in my mouth, with the President of the CTA pounding away from behind while the CTA Vice President sweats and says "Yeah, fuck him". Only in my case, Bruce Willis is not creeping down the stairs with a samurai sword anytime soon. CTA makes the US Postal Service look deadly efficient. There is positively nothing you can do to avoid being fucked. Tardiness. Overcrowding. Broken heating/cooling. Heater running full blast on a 93 degree August day. Rampant obesity. No bus or train for 40 minutes, then 3 in a row. Dudes rubbing ragers into the backs of unsuspecting chicks. Its a complete and total clusterfuck. Every day I take CTA it looks like 8 monkeys trying to fuck a football. But what are you going to do, drive and pay $400 per month just for the parking? So thank you sir, may I have another?

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