If you are headed to the theatre this weekend to watch this coathanger abortion of a remake of the classic Arnold-led Conan The Barbarian, you need to be prepared for the possibility that something really horrible is going to befall you. Theater burning down, mountain dropped on the theater, shitload of poisonous snakes charging into the theater, warriors on horses running in to cut your heads off, I really don't know, sky's the limit. This diseased rhinoceros pizzle of a remake does not, under any conceivable circumstances, please Crom. In fact, Crom is so fucking displeased by this shitshow, that I'm pretty sure he is sitting in his mountain kingdom cooking up some really unpleasant outcomes for people who, for reasons beyond me, would want to go and watch this trainwreck. So if you want to remake the greatest movie of all time and embarrass yourself, fine. And if you want to pay $11 to view it, fine. But don't expect Crom to sit there with his dick in his hand, just letting it happen.
Don't expect a warm welcome into Valhalla if you go see this abomination. Your ass will be laughed right out of Asgard...
ReplyDelete-JP
Infidel defilers. They shall all drown in lakes of blood.
ReplyDeleteNP
Absolutely, JP, as that is what happens to anyone who does not know the Riddle of Steel, and anyone who knows it most certainly would not go to see this tripe.
ReplyDeleteNP
Anyone who sees this movie should have to contemplate it on the Tree of Woe.
ReplyDelete