This sums up Cubs baseball better than any mascot or team logo. The Cubs are sucking at the teet of superior organizations, and are damned lucky to be fed at all. Luckily for me I'm a Chicago transplant and don't root for these asshats. And although from north-central Ohio, fortunately I don't root for the Indians either. When I was but a wee lad an uncle got ahold of me and ingrained a life-long love affair with the Boston Red Sox. And thank Crom for that. Incidentally, he hasn't even been my uncle for yonks, but I stuck with the Red Sox. I'm a better man for it. I had about two decades of misery before Dave Roberts stole that most glorious of 2nd bases on a crisp Boston Sunday night in October of 2004. I know loss and frustration, but I also know the joy of watching something you've invested an absolutely embarrassing amount of your total life-span following as though it were the heart rate monitor hooked up to your infant child in NICU, pull through and win. I've tried to describe Cubs fans to my other non-Cubs fan friends. It is admiration for having the dedication to suffering, a very respectable sado-masochism if ever I've witnessed it. But also there underlies Cubs fandom this almost dopey, hokey, happy-go-lucky "Awww, shucks, we'll get 'em next year" mentality. Even if the conclusion of this season saw them finish 28 games out of first place and their only two good players are lost to free agency prior to "next year". I have rarely encountered such baseless optimism in the face of constant, tragic failure. They are sort of like a mental patient who doesn't understand he is mental, so you just nod, smile and say, "Yeah, I know Elvis Pressley is on the Ed Sullivan Show tonight! How about that?". Sucking shit is one thing. Spending tons of money to suck shit is a whole other animal. The Cubs payroll is the 6th highest in Major League Baseball. THE SIXTH HIGHEST. They are currently 16.5 games out of first place and 21 games under .500. Of the 5 teams which spend more than the Cubs, three of them are the #1, #2, and #3 best teams in baseball right now. The other two are 2.0 and 4.5 games out of first place in their division, respectively. What in the fuck is Jim Hendry doing? Does he even know what he is doing? I'll answer that question: 44-65, 16.5 games back in the division, while spending the 6th most money in the game. NO, Jim Hendry hasn't one fucking iota what he is doing. Of the teams ahead of the Cubs in the division, Cincinnati and Pittsburgh COMBINED don't spend as much as the Cubs. And the Cubs pay this asshole substantial money to be a fucking train wreck at his job. This is a serious message to the Cubs: Pay me half what you are paying this assclown for the coming season. Put me and 3 of my friends in a room for 48 hours with a keg of beer and 20 hits of acid. We will put together a team for next year which will be no worse than 5th place in the division.
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