If You aren't with the Bulls Right Now, You are with the Terrorists

It is that simple. There is no moral gray-area in this NBA Eastern Conference Finals series. It is child-raping mass murderers versus a selfless team who spends all their free time inoculating impoverished African children against the 743 diseases that afflict them. If the Miami Heat win this series, Lebron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh are going to break down your front door and steal away with your daughters and have their way with them before selling them into the sex trade somewhere in Indo China. Bin Laden was rooting for the Heat, and if you are as well then off to Guantanamo with you Muhammed bin Jihad. Sure, Joakim Noah is very regrettable. I hate to have to root for any team which that idiotic transvestite belongs to, but such is the current situation.

How can one determine which Heat "Big 3" player is most deplorable? It is like trying to decide between Pol Pot, Mao and Hitler as to who is the worst human being of the 20th century. Bosh is clearly the biggest loser, but sometimes he is almost too pathetic to actively hate. He is like that guy in high school who is a colossal douche bag, but he kisses your ass and lets you take his dad's vintage Ferrari for drunk joy rides, so you tolerate the fact that you'd never be friends if he weren't washing your balls all the time. Dwayne Wade is one of the biggest pussies in sports today. And I don't have enough space on the internet to go into Lebron James. Anyone who bends his hometown over and crams an unlubricated 16" black dildo in their ass, and then brags about it on national television that he himself scripted, well lets just say that Dante explains where this gentlemen is going to spend eternity--and it isn't one of the first 6 circles.

So if you are an American; if you have a soul; if you think molesting children is wrong; if you do not support international terrorism; if you have a heart beating in your chest......then you must root for the Chicago Bulls. There is no room for interpretation in this battle of good versus evil.