Why Would You EVER Hire a Fat Personal Trainer?

I've never understood this phenomenon.  It reared its ugly head yesterday at the gym, as I was forced to listen to some obese asshole chastise and "coach" some old man through a pathetic work out which would not have produced sweat if it was conducted on the 50 yard line of Death Valley.  Why would you ever listen to that you might ask?  Why not just crank up your iPod volume and ignore it?  I'll tell you why: I am currently on my 4th iPod Shuffle, and those devices are utter pieces of shit.  Not a single goddamn one of them has made it to year 2.  You can set your watch to those mutherfuckers breaking 2 hours after the warranty has expired.  If there is some currently unbeknownst to me conspiracy theory regarding Apple programming them to break the day after the warranty expires, then consider me as "Liking It" on Facebook, or whatever it is the kids do these days.  I personally don't Facebook (and by "I don't Facebook" I mean "I've hit the refresh button on the News Feed 14 times during the scripting of this paragraph), I'm above such shenanigans.  But back to Porky McPorkroast and the poor uninspired social security recipient he was condescending to.  The old timer was in 10 times better shape than the trainer, who needed to lose 75 pounds (and I'm being very generous here).  Why would you choo-choo-choose this asshole?  "Excuse me sir, who would you like to assist you shopping for a new wardrobe today?"  "Hmmm, I think I'll choose the guy with the hair plugs, wearing the No Fear t-shirt tucked into acid washed jean shorts and Teva sandals with black dress socks.  He seems to know his trade."  And an even bigger question might be, why is the East Bank Club (totally name-dropping the fact I've joined a hoity-toity gym so I could play "rich guy" for a few hours a week before I go back to my "poor guy" reality) employing fat ass trainers?  If you are going to make a career out of fitness, shouldn't you maybe look the part or live the lifestyle?  Deciding on a career in fitness when you hate working out and love mayonnaise is like choosing a career as a symphony conductor when you hate Beethoven and love RATT.  No one is going to believe in you.