If You're Important and You Know it, Honk Your Horn

Are you driving the speed limit you worthless fucking hick?  HONK!  Are you actually stopping at a Stop sign retard?  HONK!  That light has been green for .000002 seconds, why haven't you laid a patch of rubber and shot off the line like John Force yet you son-of-a-bitching asshole?  HONK HONK HONK!!!  I don't have time for you pieces of hillbilly Wisconsin country-fried shit.  I AM A FUCKING IMPORTANT PERSON!  Where I am going is so astronomically more important than where you are going, that I should have a goddamned missile launcher attached to the hood of my car to blast useless tits such as yourself off the fucking road.  I am going to a fucking showing, do you know what that is moron?  I. Am. A. Real. Estate. Agent.  That is important.  You are taking your kid to a doctor's appointment.  Not important.  This condo hasn't sold in 2 1/2 years and the couple looking at it have a credit score of 400.  Guess what muchacho?  I need to fucking get there 5 minutes ago.  So take your piece of shit Prius and drive it into the fucking Chicago River because I don't have time or the patience to wait for you make a goddamned right turn.  Why are you waiting for those pedestrians???  Fucking run them over!  HONK HONK!!  In case you haven't figured it out yet dipshit, I'm driving a fucking Land Rover.  That means my life is worth shittons more than yours.  It says it right across the front: "Land Rover = Get The Fuck Off The Road".  I need this thing, how else would people know I'm important, besides the honking?  It snows twice yearly, there are no unpaved roads, and the terrain is flatter than a 9 year old girl....so obviously I need a fucking car designed to navigate swamps in the Amazon Basin.  If you had led your local real estate office in condo sales in 2005 you'd fucking understand why I financed this baby 8 years out and have 70K in revolving credit card debt to finance the payments because I've sold 6 condos in the 6 years since.  But instead you slowly but steadily increased your income over time and bought queer-assed used cars that can't even chase down baboons in the Niger Delta.  That is why where I'm going matters, and where you are going is fucking Nowheresville you diseased rhinoceros pizzle.  This is how it works, since your Honda Accord so loudly bespeaks your lack of comprehension skills: Traffic is in my way.  I honk the fucking horn and you see my lobster-red straining neck muscled face stretching towards the window shield and my mouth forming the scream "Fuck you asshole!"  You, and everyone else in front of me, quickly turns to the left or right and makes a tunnel for me to drive through unimpeded.  For your effort I flip you off or give you the both hands up "What the fuck?" as I fly past with house music pumping out of the bitchin' stereo system I also financed.  This is how it is supposed to work when you honk the horn aggressively.  You obviously wouldn't know with your pussy-assed both-hands-on-the-wheel technique, but driving an SUV, drinking a Starbucks, talking on my cell phone, honking my horn AND flipping you off all simultaneously isn't that fucking easy to pull off.  Everyone needs to get it through their thick skulls.  Your automobile, your health, your baby, pedestrians, strollers, bicyclists, mail men, none of these things are as important as where I'm going right now.  Do you think this unnatural orange tan maintains itself mutherfucker?  No, I have a tanning bed appointment in 30 seconds and you are letting an old couple out of a parking lot in front of you.  Jesus Christ, nobody fucking gets it!  This thing gets 12mpg in the city asshole.  I'm keeping the war in Iraq going all by my fucking self.  HONK HONK!!  Wait, why the fuck are you getting out of your car and approaching me?  Oh shit, you want to kick my ass.  Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.  Quit it dude, I have absolutely no ability to defend myself outside of the context of this Land Rover and my horn.  Fuck, I'm out of here.  HONK HONK!!  Get out of my way asshole, I need to get away from this dick who is trying to kick my ass for honking the horn at him because I'm an impatient self-absorbed asshole.  HONNNNKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!