Is This the Worst Picture of All Time?

You will never in a million years believe what I'm about to write, after viewing this Tijuana coat-hanger abortion of a picture: This guy used to RUN SHIT.  I'm talking "The Natural".  This cat walks onto a Top-40 rap dance floor and dudes are running for cover and bitches have smoke coming out of their ears, circa 1999-2007.  His legend spanned multiple states and across generations.  He never tested positive for a single PED.  We're talking first-ballot, unanimous Playazzz Hall of Famer.  In 2004 he could have walked into any cheesy dance bar in Ohio, screamed "King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!", and the sea of bodies would have parted to allow him to take his rightful place at the head of the table for Biggie Smalls "Big Poppa".  And now he's come to this lowly, pitiful point.  I couldn't look this happy about that strawberry coming at my mouth if you paid me 1 million dollars.  Major difference here being that he paid money to be in this disaster.  It would be like Kevin Costner paying $5MM to star in Water World.  But this is what happens when you are a man and you lose Stonewall Jackson to gangrene because one of your own drunk hillbilly soldiers mistakes him for a runaway white slave dressed in a Confederate generals uniform, and shoots him....the defenses are weak and love breaks through the line and circles around, trapping your soldiers in a helpless crossfire, and they are offering no mercy.  Do not kid yourself in any way, this photo is an absolute bloodbath.  He is Hiroshima and she is the Enola Gay.  She is the '85 Bears and he is the Patriots.  This is the United States obliterating Iraq with "Shock and Awe" as their army makes no attempt to defend themselves.  His corner threw in the white towel, and she kicked it right back at them and kept throwing uppercuts.  She is goose-stepping into his Paris under the Nazi flag and singing the Horst Wessel Song from the fucking mountain tops.  Offering no compromise, obviously.  Only unconditional surrender to her will.  You eat this fucking strawberry I feed you, you will smile widely like a mental patient whilst I feed it to you, and you will not utter one fucking peep as I put this on the goddamned World Wide Web for all to see.  She put this on the wedding website, and he couldn't even muster the courage to call us all and warn us this was about to happen, and offer apologies and excuses in advance.  Just tried to go about his business at the wedding and do shots and dance and pretend like we all somehow un-saw it in the interim.  This crushing defeat cast a pall over the entire event.  It was a dead man walkin' on a green mile.  Michael Bolton saw this picture, spit his white wine spritzer all over the computer screen and yelled, "What a fucking pussy!"  Listen, every great one experiences a decline in their skills, and must ultimately retire.  It's how you go out which defines your legacy.  This is the anti-Jim Brown.  This is the polar opposite of Ted Williams hitting a home run in his final at bat.  This is Brett Favre's 7th unretirement.  This is an overweight Michael Jordan getting double crossed over by Allen Iverson.  Adrian is fucking screaming at Rocky to throw in the towel as Drago is about to deliver the death blow to Apollo, and Balboa is just sitting there catatonic.  A thousand years from now an anthropologist will unearth this image from the rubble that was Al Gore's Internet.  The scientists and the scholars will study it.  And they will write in their history books, "Their society was primitive.  They used ancient communication devices called computers (cum-pew-turz).  There was a great war.  When the female tribe had vanquished the male tribe, their ruler lorded over the defeated king and she forced him to eat fruit from her hand.  This was how the ancients showed submission to their superiors.  Much like a dog rolls onto it's back and shows it's genitals."  Sure, take this photo now, and you'll live.  At least a while.  And dying in your bed, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell her that she may take your life, but she'll never take...YOUR FREEDOM!!!