Jacoby Ellsbury is Hot

And I don't just mean he is incredibly good looking.  He is also tearing the cover off the fucking baseball, swiping bags, and doing his best Dyson impersonation out in center field.  But mostly he is just a smokin' hot dude.  What, you wouldn't bang Jacoby Ellsbury?  Yes, even the dudes.  C'mon, are you too fuckin' cool to bang Jacoby Ellsbury?  Seriously, what is the worst that could happen?  Are you too afraid of falling in love with a budding young superstar who also happens to be straight-up dreamy?  You know that once you gaze into those eyes, it is over for you.  The guy is a real-deal fucking Navajo goddamnit!  What more do you want, an Inuit?  All I'm saying is that everyone needs to get off their fucking asses and hop on the Jacoby Ellsbury bandwagon.  Look for me, I'll be the guy right up front holding the "Jacoby, Will You Marry Me?" sign high and proud.