Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I (sniff, sniff)......Smell (sniff, sniff, sniff).....PUSSY!


This impending "End of Days" blizzard that is currently chugging eastward on I-80 towards Chicago is a gaping, soppy pussy. I just watched a YouTube video where this blizzard was dressed in his mom's clothes, jewelry and makeup, singing Madonna's "Like a Virgin" into a mirror with a shampoo microphone. This blizzard was cut from the high school marching band for not being strong enough to carry a horn. I know a guy that totally walked into the boy's locker room once, and saw this blizzard making out behind the lockers with that weird kid who was always breaking out into show tunes in the lunchroom. This fucking blizzard cried at the end of Brokeback Mountain, and not because of what happened, but because the movie ended. My sister used to beat the shit out of this blizzard 3 days a week on the playground and take his lunch money.
2 feet of snow. Go fuck yourself.
60+ MPH winds. Who gives a shit?
White out conditions. I eat that shit for breakfast.
"Potentially life-threatening conditions". I've stepped over conditions worse than these on my way to a fight.
Basically, Fuck Casper Gomez, Fuck this Blizzard, and Fuck the Diaz Brothers! I bury those cockaroaches!!!
While the rest of you shitheels are stocking up on shit you'll never need and hunkering down in your houses for days, I'll be out there going mano-y-mano with this fucking raging pixie. I already went to REI and got a pup tent and sleeping bag, as I'll be sleeping out under the stars tonight next to Lake Michigan. If you happen by Lake Shore Drive tomorrow morning, I'll be the guy next to a tent by the lake, dancing the goddamn Macarena. If you look closely enough, you might even see me unleash the mutherfucking Moonwalk.
So ga'head blizzard, you blathering cunt. March your sorry fucking ass right up Michigan Avenue and see what happens. Old Town Yuppies ain't nuttin' to fuck wit.

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