Can Charlie Sheen get any Awesomer???

If you are anywhere....a party, a bar, at work, at the ball game, at church, at a bar mitzvah, at your grandma's house for Easter dinner, anywhere....and someone tells you that "Charlie Sheen is out of control and needs help"....don't think about it for one second. Respond immediately by kicking that person directly in their dick and then drive a stake right into the middle of their heart. Because obviously they're dead and you need to take steps to make sure they aren't also a vampire. King Kong ain't got shit on Charlie Sheen! Chuck is up to his tits in liquor, coke, pills, hookers, yachts and porn stars. What the fuck does he need help with? His fucking taxes? The only help he needs is maybe an extra dick or two to occupy all this trim he rolls with. The news media is about to implode with sanctimonious bullshit over this non-issue. Who cares? Charlie looks pretty goddamned happy to me, not sure some boring assed rehab and a steady relationship with a "nice" girl is really what he's looking for. Charlie likes to drink vodka. Charlie likes to eat pills. Charlie likes to bang pros. Charlie likes to trash hotel rooms. And Charlie likes to get an up-close smell of Bolivian Marching Dust. If you don't like it, that is your problem--not Charlie's. You are up at 4:30 in the morning, at your desk high-stress slaving at 6:00, and probably don't get home until 7:00 p.m. Charlie is at an unknown location in the Caribbean on a rented yacht. He's got 1/2 a hollowed-out Bic pen in one hand, a glass of Grey Goose in the other, and Vivid Video's tart du jour bouncing up and down naked on his rod. So please explain to me just how in the fuck you are winning in this particular game? You ever see that Michael Jordan poster where he is about to dunk the shit out of the ball, right over top of a white-as-hell Jack Sikma of the Milwaukee Bucks who has a "Oh jeez, black man jump high" look on his Chevy Chase? That is what Charlie is doing to the world right now. He doesn't give one fuck what you or anyone else thinks about it. At one point during his tirade on a radio call-in show, he referred to Thomas Jefferson as a "Pussy". Why? I haven't a fucking clue, but he did it. The current score is Charlie Sheen 123, Us 0. Go Charlie, GO!!! If I tried to hang out with Sheen at this point, my life span would be measured in hours rather than years or days.