Monday, March 21, 2011

Dear Darfur: Find Some Oil or Shut the Fuck Up

In case you didn't notice, 6 people in Libya got a headache, 4 people turned their ankles, 3 people got diarrhea, 2 people pulled a hamstring, and 1 chick broke a newly manicured nail. And what happened? Tomahawk missiles up the ass of their oppressors.

What did you get in Darfur? Lets see, hundreds of thousands dead, famine, rape, torture, just a general ass kicking.....and I think you got some t-shirts, maybe a couple of shitty folk songs, a few righteous Hollywood assholes giving an overly dramatic Oscar acceptance speech not because they cared about you, but because they cared about everyone thinking they cared about something outside of their own giant head.

North Korea, Rwanda, Indonesia, Cambodia, Zimbabwe......cry us a fucking river. The USA and the "Allies", which always appear to consist of the USA, France for 36 hours of the operation, and England until their citizens start asking why they're killing people with their tax money, are the World Police. But not for you sorry sons of bitches. The World Police only police areas which sit on top of a shitload of Texas Tea, Liquid Gold, Oil that is. So until one of you goes out shootin' for some food and happens upon about 10,000,000 barrels of crude per month.....get fucked. Mugabe, Idi Amin, Janjaweed militia, Kim Jong Izzle can do whatever they want, all day baby. And unless you find some Tomahawks and a few F-14s out behind your dung huts, or better yet an assload of oil, you're hating life. So quit whining. We're too busy Tomahawking Tripoli back to a day when Hannibal would still recognize it, to listen to you.

We will bomb the McMutherfuck out of anyone starting trouble in a crude-pumping mecca. But if you start makin' trouble in your neighborhood, and your 'hood ain't oil-rich, eeehhhh, we'll say something really pointed about it at the next U.N. General Assembly. Right before we all head out to eat, drink and whore on the money our governments pledge to pretend to help people like you. It is what it is; lower your expectations to zero and fucking deal with it.

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