The Scout Chronicles: Big Ass Dump Today!

You should have seen this pile I curled a while ago. Minding my own business trying to get some beauty sleep when that goddamned alarm goes off. I ignored it per usual but mom and dad were up like the fucking Nazis that they are. Dad starts up with his bullshit right away, trying to get me out of bed. I'm all like "Leave me the fuck alone, I've got nothing to do today. Just let me sleep in" and he's all like "Scout, come!" I just gave in because usually there's some sort of small food item on the other end of that "Come!" directive. Come to find out it was an elaborate ruse to get me outside and hose it, maybe take a shit. Well, lets just say I had the last laugh on that one. I unleashed the fury on that dump. It curled and smelled like a Calcutta gutter in July. I had chili con queso on my dog food last night, cut about 14 SBDs in mom's face in bed. Anyway, I told dad to just leave the dump where it lay so that little yorkie in 607 could see it. That bitch is always trying to get a sniff of my ass. However dad bent over and picked it up like the punk ass that he is. Always tying it off in these Norwegian made corn bags that are 100% biodegradable. Then he throws the biodegradable corn bag full of my deuce into a Hefty bag. Hey dad, considering the Hefty bag is made of shit they found on Mars and won't decompose for 3,000 years, who fucking wins on that one genius? Dumb ass. I must say it was a relief to get that out of the way. Have a big day ahead of me. Planning to lick my tackle for a bit, move slippers around the condo, sleep for 3 hours, get walked at noon, sleep for another 4 hours, and finally get after that stuffed lobster who has been talking all sorts of trash this week.

Peace out y'all.