I Need to Get my "Light Therapy" License

People need to quit hating on Feely McTouchowitz up there.  Guy is trying to get some cheap, middle-school poontang action by hook or by crook.  Why ya gotta hate on a playa?  Some people try to feel some boobies and get laid using their looks or wit, which is just fine.  My man here tries to rub his junk on chicks' legs by becoming the pastor of a non-existent church and telling women he is healing them through "Light Therapy"; whats the fucking difference?  Last time I checked, this was America, Jack.  The country known for go-getters using their own wiles to make their way in the world.  That is all Philip Livingston is trying to do, and you are going to go and put him in jail for it.  What the fuck ever, comrade.  Philip did what any other red-blooded American male whose concrete business went belly up amidst charges of criminality would do: He ordained himself the leader of an uber-creepy "religious" sect and told chicks that if they followed him into the back room of his house he could heal them of everything from depression to yeast infections by everyone getting nude and feeling each other.  So to those of you who have never done the same, throw the first fucking stone.  And guess what?  Women actually followed him into the back room, took off their clothes, and let him fondle them.  Sounds like a victimless crime to me.  There needs to be limits on how far governments should have to go to protect people from their own stupidity.  I certainly don't authorize any of my tax money being spent to prosecute this pussy entrepreneur.  This is how the conversation should go:

Policeman: "So let me get this straight....An obese man, with beady eyes, 1981 eyeglass frames, and a child-molesting moustache if ever there was one, has ordained himself high priest of a non-recognized religiousish cult, brought you to services in a really shitty house, then told you to follow him to a back room, get naked while he gets naked, then he rubbed your areolas while he asked you to tickle his bag and then sniff your fingers all in the name of curing your eczema....and you said 'Yes'?  Do I have this correct?"

Clinically Stupid Bitch: "Yes officer, that is how it happened"

Policeman: "You have already been punished Miss.  Now go fuck off somewhere."

If you are as downright cow-chewing-cud-in-the-rain stupid as these women clearly are, then guess what?  Blame Darwin.  Don't go trying to pin the blame on Philip.  When you look like him you use your brains to cop a feel any which way but loose.  It isn't his fault you are stupid enough to let it happen.  These women should be thanking their lucky stars that this is 2011 AD and not 20,011 BC.  They got off easy only having sticky tits courtesy of the above moustache.  If it were 20,011 BC the swifter predators aren't as forgiving as Reverend Philip.  Saber-toothed tigers don't tweak nipples.  At least in this instance you live to fight another day.