Hey Fighting Irish, Great Effort

The Notre Dame downward spiral is still alive and thriving.  I don't know when the entire program is going to be shooting heroin in the basement of a foreclosed and abandoned McMansion with a snuff porn playing on a stolen television set and alley cats eating the open needle sores on the passed-out people's arms while one of the junkie cheerleaders is shaking an OD'ing player screaming "You promised me the American dream goddamn you!", but the day cannot be far away.  It has gotten to the point where I no longer dislike Notre Dame football.  I feel really bad for them and wish that they maybe could win $20 on a scratch-off lotto ticket or find a dollar bill on the ground or something.  It is like watching "Requiem For A Dream" at this point.  I'm cringing, awaiting the inevitable "ass-to-ass!" scene.  I barely even remember when Notre Dame was still respectable.  Was Clinton president then, or was it still Bush I?  Regardless, I was in middle school at the time.  And now....they are losing at home to South Fucking Florida in their season opener.  Who can you schedule for a sure win at this point?  Not the service academies.  Maybe the Fighting Irish should schedule some Ivy League schools.  What seemed to help matters was Brian Kelly turning into a complete and total panic merchant on the sideline.  But does it really matter anyway?  The fans need to be entertained by something, so maybe Kelly's sideline theatrics are the best they can hope for on the way to another 6-6 season.  Things aren't going to get any better this week.  I am by no means queueing up with all the other reactionaries to chug Brady Hoke's cock on the Michigan sideline with his sub-.500 career coaching record of 47-50, based solely on his handling of mighty Western Michigan in the home opener last week and the fact that he is a "Michigan Man".  That being said, Notre Dame is walking into the first night game in the long history of The Big House.  The fans are going to have an entire day of getting tuned up at wine and cheese parties and sniffing their own farts, so needless to say the stadium will be a total snake pit come 20:00 EST.  Good luck fish-eaters.  I think the best chance for Notre Dame to return to respectability would be for the Big 10 to absorb Toledo, thus opening up a spot in the MAC for Notre Dame.