In Your Face America!

The rest of America can swing from Chicago's ample nuts. Highest gas prices in the country, bitches! $3.35 a gallon to a national average of $3.08. Salt Lake City is chock full of Mormon pussies who only pay $2.73, the lowest of any U.S. metropolitan area. So you fucking creeps can plan some extra trips to the Tabernacle. Chicago is dominating the United States in all sorts of desirable categories such as: Most school shootings; Most gang violence; Most gun crimes; Shittiest weather; Most corrupt political system; And now highest gas prices. Texas still has the fattest people on lockdown, but if Chicago gets one more goddamned pork-centric restaurant, we might be coming for Texas's ass too. I'm going to fill up my SUV right now, before the prices have a chance to fall.