I'm Sorry, You Must Have Mistaken Me for a Trailer Park Resident who has Cavities

No cavities 4Life son! Just got back from destroying Dr. Decker's office like I do every 6.5 months, mutherfuckers. I spout off about my dominant oral health pretty regularly. But like Cassius Clay said, "It ain't bragging if you can do it". And guess what, I can do it. Same ol' song and dance as usual: "You have excellent oral hygiene." "Your brushing technique is flawless". Tell me something I don't already know. Listen, I was in "Dr. Dave's No Cavities Club" from the time I could crawl, and no one is taking my picture off that club wall anytime soon. I fucking eat tartar and shit pearly whites. You can try to defend it any way you want, but at the end of the night I will hang 28 cavity-free Chiclets from your neck and there is nothing you can do to stop that. When I walked into the appointment today I grabbed a bottle of baby powder, poured it into my hands, and then clapped them together and threw the powder right in the receptionist's face and screamed "GAME TIME BITCH!" She started crying something about "I got laid off from my job....I'm only a temp...." Boofuckinghoo hoe. You just got owned you little hussnut and you know it. I went into the cleaning room and started karate-chopping all the equipment in sight. When the hygienist-in-training appeared to ask why I was destroying the exam tools I told her to take that little league meatball back to the Cape Cod League and call someone in from the pen who could throw some high fucking heat. She looked astonished so I got into a wrestler stance and asked if she had two singlets and one bottle of Vaseline. She could not smell what The Rock was cookin', and fled accordingly. My usual hygienist D-Real knew what time it was when she saw two office employees in tears. She brought her A-Game to the cleaning, knowing she was going home with the L. I respect her for that. The dentist appeared and gave me a nod to signify his respect, and I was on my way.

All y'all haters gonna have to wait until late May, early June, to try and knock me off the No Cavities Wall again.