The Scout Chronicles: Nope, They Made Me a Fuckin' Wizard

This was the bullshit of all bullshits.  I told these assholes I wanted to be a vicious Werewolf for Halloween.  And instead I get dolled up like some girly Gandolph.  I didn't even get a fuckin' staff to hit people with and perpetrate spells and shit.  My parents are the biggest cock-blocking idiots in Chicago.  Yes, I said cock-blockers.  Bitches at the local dog runs were swooning when I told them I was going to be a Werewolf.  Then I hear all the dogs barking laughter as I was forced to march around Old Town against my will as the Golden Wizard.  Even my little sister got to be a Bear.  Shit, compared to a Wizard I would have LOVED to be a bear.  She had claws and big feet and shit.  And she didn't even care.  Cried when they put her in it, acted bored as all hell, then fell asleep as a bear.  If I'd gotten to be some ruthless predator of an animal, you wouldn't have seen apathy like that out of the ol' Scouter.  I would have been tearing shit up right and left.  I would have even shown people that sometimes a Bear shits in the city.  But no, I'm gallivanting about town like some dainty Merlin with my dick in my paw, not even able to smash people or put spells on them with my staff....because I don't fucking have one.  You know, Scout gets pushed and he gets pushed, but for how far until he bares the teeth and makes them pay for their transgressions?  Now I'm going to be walked through Old Town today with everydog laughing their tits off at the Scoutmeister.  Just pigs in shit at my humiliation.  They'll be barking, "Hey Scout, real fucking trail of blood and tears you left behind last night with that staff-less wizard costume asshole!" and "Scout, can I go ahead and tell my owners to put the silver bullets back into storage?".  Laugh it up fuckers.  One of these Halloweens my inner Werewolf will be realized, and then you'll all be sorry.  Mom was mouthing off about how "Scout, you are lucky, your best friend Penelope didn't even get to dress up at all."  That would be a great point mom....if Penelope wasn't a fucking St. Bernard!  She gets to be Cujo every year of her goddamn life!

As an aside, one small upside to last night was that mom and dad let me stay up and watch the original Halloween with them.  Michael Myers is straight up LEGIT.  When I finally do get my Werewolf costume, that is how the Scoutmeister is going to go about his business, all methodical and shit with no emotion or barking.