EMERGENCY BROADCAST: Katy Perry Shows Some Cleavage on Seasame Street....Pick up the Red Phone and Call Fucking Batman!

That is the last straw, I'm packing up the wife and kids and moving to fucking Iran. I will not sit idly by and tolerate my children or anyone else's children being exposed to evil, dirty, vulgar, partially-exposed breasts. If you expose a child to this sort of pornography rest assured they will be face-down on a urine-soaked sofa in the basement of an abandoned home with a heroin needle dangling from their arm, the only sign of life being the festering herpes sores in their nether regions, by the time they are 19. Sesame Street, along with their harlot Ms. Perry, have brought great shame and bad tidings to our nation this day. I just don't know how you can ask children, resilient though they may be, to recover from briefly viewing the upper 35% of a set of breasts? For the love of God, someone please find us an army of psychologists to try and work the children through this heinous event.

I do have one small thing I'd like to point out to all the mentally-challenged people who are up in arms about this: ALL KIDS SUCK ON TITS. How do you think you were nourished the first 1-9 months of your life you sanctimonious cunt? Was it "Immaculate Feeding"? One of the most indelible images burned into the brains of babies is staring for large periods of time, multiple times per day, at a set of tits. Seeing a pair now is not going to cause them to torch their daycare to the ground or collapse into the fetal position quaking with fear. I'm sure they are probably wondering "Where are the nipples?", but I think they're going to get through this just fine. Instead of worrying about Sesame Street having the audacity to not hide nature from nature's children, instead get your fucking kid out from in front of the TV and have them run around or read a book. And then fuck off, asshole.

*In this picture, doesn't it look like Elmo is saying "Daaammnnn! Look at them titties!"

Season Premier of "The Biggest Loser" Tonight!

And it doesn't matter who wins, because you're all still fucking losers. These are truly some of the most miserable pieces of shit our planet has to offer. I would love the shit out of this show if they got these heifers together and force-marched them through the deep south, depriving them of food and encouragement. March until everyone is dead save one. Then that person gets locked in a cage next to a river subsisting on reeds and rat meat until they have an acceptable BMI. Everyone has some goddamned crybaby story that supposedly justifies their selfishness and lack of will. "My dad was an alcoholic so I ate to cope. Wahhhhhh". "My family was poor and I had to go with my mom to local fraternity houses on the weekend nights and watch her suck frat dick so we could make ends meet. I ate food to forget the laughter of the frat bros as they came. Sniff, snort, blubber, sniff, tears". You have no excuse piggy. You look like a bean bag with eyes because you are weak and lazy. Begin your path to redemption by telling the truth: "I am a fat disgusting fucking pig because I eat like a fat disgusting fucking pig". The only worthwhile person on this show is Jillian because she sees through these piles of fluffer nutter's bullshit and tells them everything they don't want to hear: "You are fat because you are a coward." "Your personality is repellent and people despise you." "You can finish the mile out because I have the treadmill set to 4.5 and you aren't a quadriplegic." I do not watch this show for stories of personal triumph. Rather I watch for the same reason Nascar fans watch the race. I want to see a hideous 11-car pile-up with much mutilation.