Now I Know how Women Feel

I was recently jogging near the lakefront in Chicago. I took a path through some woods where there is a small nature preserve, near Recreation Drive. As I ran down this narrow path I was visually assaulted in a most violent manner by a raging homosexual man with a pencil-thin moustache whose hands undoubtedly reeked of Boys Age 7-10 cotton briefs. His appearance screamed "Sexual Deviant" and I'm quite sure he thinks about dicks 98% of his life. He gave me an "elevator eyes" size-up and a look that said "I can't get off anymore without knife play and the sounds of children screaming". It were as though I was the only wounded springbok left on a dried out South African plain, and this skeezy lion had missed his last 50 meals. I felt dirty, used and objectified. After that fuck-me eyes horror show I wanted to run a wind-sprint and dive head first into Lake Michigan where I would be dashed by waves against the concrete wall until I felt clean again. While I raced away from this Jeffrey Dahmer it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks: This must be how women feel when men leer suggestively at them. And I thought, that is fucking awesome! To have that much impact on someone's psyche, merely by looking at them as though they were a side of perfectly marbled grass-fed beef cooked to medium-rare perfection over a spit, well that is pretty neat.

Even though I'm pretty sure that guy has already been murdered during an after-sex knife fight over the last line of crystal meth, he's gonna haunt me. I may never run through that wooded area again.